Running on Empty

A couple of years ago I was eager and set to impact the world. I was working at a bible camp and had the mindset that I was going to pour into everybody and anybody who was there. I was going to be a spiritual mentor to my staffers as well as a caring shepherd and teacher to all those students entrusted under my care each week. I knew it would difficult, but if anyone could do it, I knew it was me. I was as close to Superman as the next guy and believed in myself so much. It was going to be a remarkable summer. I would leave feeling like a king for doing the work of Christ every minute of the summer all summer long.

About mid-June I started to lose it. I was constantly tired, always crabby, I was filled with bitterness and resentment at how hard I was working and why I had to do more work than everyone else, I felt under-appreciated, and I was scared. I remember feeling so exhausted I would just lie face down on the floor and sleep after a long day. I was terrified that I was experiencing all these negative emotions and was only two weeks into the summer season; I was literally running myself into the ground.

Then came one fateful afternoon after our Day Campers left after their week program where I lost it. I literally went crazy and lost all control of who I was for about 90 minutes. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, talking but not making any sense, I was a wild child, knowing exactly how I should act but not being able to do anything about it. It was terribly embarrassing but my nerves and emotions finally snapped and I couldn’t do anything. My director pulled me aside and forced me to sit down so we could talk after the incident and I lost it again, this time though instead of being wild I just bawled. I bawled and I bawled and I just wanted to rest.

Good Intentions Bad Results

I wanted so badly to be Superman that summer that I disregarded my own walk with Christ for a large portion of the summer and in the end I paid for it. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, sometimes trying to be as selfless as possible is bad for you. If you continually neglect your own health (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually) in order to help someone else eventually it will come back to you. After all you do your best ministering when you are insynch with God and that happens when your cup is full. In my attempt to be put everyone ahead of myself I let my own cup run empty and didn’t bother to try to fill it. I thought I could help people enough to get it back to where it needed to be. Life doesn’t necessarily work that way though.

As parents, knowing when to say yes and when to say no, is an important and critical truth to establish in our lives. As our children grow up we continue to work hard all day and then come home to minister and pour ourselves out at night. We have to know when to fill ourselves up so that when we do minister, support, love, and pour ourselves out we are more able to do so in a godly way. Otherwise, we run risk of growing bitter and angry with them, all because we didn’t take time to rest ourselves.

Filling up on Holy Spirit

Everyone is going to be filled and energized to do God’s wondrous work in different ways. I don’t believe there is any “one-size fits all” model but I do believe somethings are more inclined to help you feel God work. It’s important for you as a parent to explore different options and ways so that when your running on empty you know just what to do. For someone it might be going into nature and being surrounded by God’s creation through a walk and prayer time. For someone it might be plugging away on a guitar and just relaxing in the presence of God. For someone else it could be taking time to just sit and read and be still. Be confident in how you fill yourself up, God created you how you are, so don’t compare apples to oranges. There’s a chance what fills you spiritually also fills your spouse and that’s great; there’s also a chance what fills you spiritually doesn’t fill your spouse and that’s okay too. Do what you need to do to be filled so that in time you can out-pour yourself to your family, friends, and co-workers and then take time to rest, eat, and be filled again.

God is good. He will provide for you. He will fill you up. Take time to not only teach those around you but also to teach yourself. Be still and listen to God in the busyness of today. Christ showed us the power of being selfless in everything He did in life, but remember, even Christ would leave the masses after a while to be one-on-one with God and fill His own cup. Let us do the same and let us by the Grace of God do His work the way He designed us too, at one with Him.